Trying Something New [for jackcaptainjack]

[lovewhentheyrun]

It was a strange sensation for Klaus, finding himself uncertain of things he didn't want to be uncertain about. He'd always known who he was. Instead of asking, he told people where he stood. Fine, a lot of it was bravado, but it was self-deluding bravado. Anything that entered his orbit that defied the story he told about himself, he got rid of, or neutralized, tucked away somewhere out of sight. He loved best from a distance, without the messy emotions of other people demanding different things from him than he wanted to give.

Some of that, at least, he'd begun to realize before they put him in that box. Some. Elena's words had lingered, and his need for her blood had mocked him, and now, maybe, he was just trying to prove someone wrong.

Except...he didn't really know how he fit. His siblings had grieved. They seemed glad to have him back, after a while of shouting at him. Elijah, of course, hadn't shouted. Elijah rarely shouted. And by the time Elijah was over the worst of the poisoning, Rebekah and Kol had stopped shouting, too.

Jack...made things messy, though. Made Klaus's place uncertain, almost. They liked Jack. Elijah probably did more than that, but while occasionally Elijah wore his heart on his sleeve, other times he was impossible to read. Now was such a time. Klaus wanted things to be like they'd always said they were (whether they were or not). Family above all.

He wasn't sure that was the case anymore, and if it wasn't--where did he fit?

Of course, it would be far easier if he, too, didn't like Jack. But he did, which was annoying in its own way. He didn't want to like him. He wanted to fuck him and get it over with, and leave him in no doubt of where he fell in the pecking order of Elijah's affections, but Klaus was in doubt (and had been for a century or two, so, really, that was nothing new), and while he suspected so, too, was Jack...he didn't see a way to resolve it.

Jack calling him out hadn't much helped.

Rebekah had petted and soothed to the best of her ability, but Klaus had mostly spent the time since painting in the attic room he'd converted to a studio years ago because of the fantastic light from the skylights and the glass doors that led out to a rooftop terrace. He was there, now, frowning at a canvas with paint on it that had, as of yet, failed to form itself into anything recognizable. The bottle of vodka sitting on the table with his paints, half empty, was its own sort of testament to his mood, but. One could only expect so much.

Comments

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus gave him a level look for a long moment, weighing the comment. He was about to protest that he'd never do anything like that, but then all he could think about was Katerina, and his gaze fell away.

"He's never seemed unhappy before," he muttered, turning back to the painting.

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"Has he ever seemed happy?" That was not, in any way, shape or form a challenge to Klaus or his perception, or an implication that he knew Elijah better. It was nothing more than a question, and a legitimate request for information from the person who knew Elijah best.

How Klaus took it, of course, was - up to Klaus.

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus fiddled with the paintbrush and was quiet long enough it became questionable that he might not answer. In truth, he was searching back through the centuries.

When he finally answered, his voice was quiet. "When we were human."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

Jack was patient. If Klaus asked him to go, he would. Otherwise, Jack was willing to wait as long as it took. For an answer, to be told to leave, even just to be acknowledged.

He was a bit surprised when the answer came. "What was he like, then?" Jack asked. Paused and then a bit more gently, "What were you like?"

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus cast him a look over his shoulder, then shook his head. "Younger."

It was an answer, if not a full one, but...sometimes he feels so old, and he saw it in Elijah's eyes all the time. "Finn was always the one in charge--he was the heir, the one meant to follow Father, but we were all trained to be warriors. Elijah...he was good. Very good. You couldn't beat him without cheating, but he wasn't arrogant about it." He smiled a little. "I mean, he'd -- what is it they say today? Talk smack. But then he'd explain just where you went wrong, show you how not to do it again last night. Finn...he wanted to be a leader. Elijah was. We'd all have done just about anything for him, but I don't think he knew. When you become a vampire, all that you were is...heightened. The good and the bad. Elijah was always inclined a bit more to seriousness, but when we were human, it was more in balance. Fun. Laughter. He was quieter than the rest of us, content to watch us play, but sometimes he joined in and he...was almost always smiling. He laughed a lot." Klaus looked down at his paintbrush. "We were trained as warriors, but no one ever attacked us. None of us but Father had ever killed before we were turned. The first time Elijah did..." He shrugged again. "He hasn't laughed much since, and even just getting him to really smile..." Winning one of those smiles, real, unguarded, had been something he'd lived for, once, they were that rare.

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

Younger was an answer, and it was a good one. Jack couldn't fully grasp the enormity of living all that time, one day at a time, and he didn't really want to. He'd spent the vast majority of his life dead or drying in a grave. Horrible, yes, but nowhere near the same sort of wearing that being truly alive and in the world was.

He listened quietly as Klaus spoke, not interrupting or making comment though some of what Klaus said fully slotted some things about Elijah into place in a way very little else could have. That's what kept him silent, in his place against the wall, for a bit after Klaus had finished speaking.

"You sound like you miss him."

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus considers the comment, frowning a little, then shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe I just miss...how certain things were, then. How clear."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to say I understand, because I'm pretty sure I can't fully, but I get some pieces of the sentiment, at least. See enough shit, and nothing makes sense anymore. And that's after a couple of hundred years, not a thousand."

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus nodded, just a little. "We were all...so very innocent. Maybe that's what I miss."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"I remember being, I don't know, fourteen or fifteen, and thinking running off to war sounded like a great time. I can't decide if I was innocent, or a fucking moron. Probably some of both." He stopped and shook his head, then refocused. "Was when you were human the last time you were happy?"

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus snorted slightly. "Probably." Though war was different when you were a vampire. He'd enjoyed it--he rather suspected Elijah had, as well, in his darker moments.

The question made him shrug. "I don't know. Happy's relative..."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

Jack came close to knowing that Elijah had. Not absolute certainty, but they'd had conversations about war that alluded to being a vampire on a battlefield. He doubted Elijah... liked that he'd enjoyed it, but that was another matter altogether.

Jack, for his part, didn't want to be a vampire and for all the time he'd spent in war, he didn't love it. He did sort of wish there'd been a vampire on some of the battlefields he'd been on. That was his dark thought, and not one he was going to dwell on.

"Relative to what?"

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

"To what else there is, I suppose," Klaus replied. "For a short time, a few days...I think we were all happy when Mother came back, but it was too tentative to truly believe in, and then...our family hasn't been whole since our parents did this to us, not really. But there are still...moments of joy in the world, or we'd all be suicidal."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"That takes a lot of perspective," Jack said, after a moment of uncomfortable silence. He couldn't even make himself ask another question, just for a moment.

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus shrugged and chuckled, a bit dryly. "Live a thousand years and you get some..."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"Get back to me in eight hundred years or so, and I'll let you know." Not going to count two thousand years underground. That wasn't living, just a lot of dying.

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus gave him a wry smile. "You might do better than we did."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"I might," he agreed, with a slightly wry tone. "It sort of depends. What do you mean by better?"

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus shrugs a little. "Better at being happy."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"I honestly don't know, Nik." Jack finally moves a little, to sit down in the doorway, back against the frame and head turned so he can look at Klaus. "There's a lot of beauty in the universe, and I remember being on fire and in love with it, but at this point... I've spent more of my life dying or trying to die than really being alive. Elijah's been good for me. You all have. So... maybe I'll get it figured out."

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus gave him a look, then shakes his head a tiny bit. "You've really got to stop trying to die, if you're planning to be with him. You didn't see his face when he saw you lying there." He paused, frowned, shot Jack another look. "It reminded me of yours when you came to fetch me home."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

"Give it a rest, would you?" Jack said, tiredly. "Message received. I'll work on growing a survival instinct and make damn sure none of you, especially Elijah, has to deal with that crap. I know it's not fun, and whatever sick little fantasies I have, I don't get off on making people miserable."

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus arched an eyebrow, giving him a very confused look. "No one minded dealing with it," he said. "We know how to handle the situation, just..." He rolled his eyes. "He's lost enough, all right? Maybe he doesn't know how to say what he wants, or what he wants for himself, but he chose you. He brought you home and into our world. Clearly he's not inclined to lose you, so. Don't make him. That's all."

He had no idea what Jack was talking about with "sick fantasies."

[51stcenturyjack.livejournal.com]

Jack was briefly confused by Klaus' confusion, but sorted it out quickly enough. Once he had, he was just relieved. "He won't ever have to lose me. I promise. I'm not going anywhere, in any sense of the word."

[lovewhentheyrun.livejournal.com]

Klaus wished his confusion was so easily cleared up, but he wasn't going to ask, at least not right now. "Then it will be all right."