lovewhentheyrun | Even angels have their wicked schemes [For jackcaptainjack]

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Even angels have their wicked schemes [For jackcaptainjack]

Klaus had been thinking. Admittedly, deep introspection was not his strong point, but that's what happened when you didn't have anything else to do. He could breathe in London, look back at how things had gone wrong in Virginia, try and figure out where he'd misstepped. Obviously, Esther had been something he hadn't counted on, and, really, he should have seen Stefan's betrayal coming, but he'd wanted to believe in him so badly.

Esther, though. That had been his real blindspot. In that way, at least, he knew his siblings were on his side. She'd wanted all of them dead, not just him, and Elijah was never going to let that happen.

That didn't mean Elijah wanted him back, or even that Rebekah did. What Jack had said, though, had given him hope. He was going back. He just...needed the right approach. The way in. Showing up on their doorstep, all, "honey, I'm home," actually had appeal, but it turned out he was a bit of a coward when it came down to it.

So, he was still in London. He didn't think Jack was, but he was hanging around the pub where they'd had dinner. That was getting boring, though, so he finally reached out, searching for him through the compulsion he'd already laid, and sent a call, strongly suggesting he bring himself back to Klaus's house for a visit.

Then all he had to do was wait.

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"I used to think I had the market cornered on intensity. Then I started hanging out with vampires." He smiled, quickly. "Feeling everything more. Six months ago, I would have said it just sounded exhausting. Now, I'm starting to think it's probably pretty fantastic - even when it's not."

Klaus thought about it for a moment, then gave him a wry smile. "It's hard to think about being any other way, now. Some of the younger ones can flip a switch in their brains, turn their humanity, their emotions off. They get guilt-stricken and the like. But that ability goes away the older we get. And then..." He shrugged. "Sometimes it might be nice not to have to feel it all, but when you don't...it's like being dead."

"I can see it being a good survival instinct, when you have to feed on people to live yourself and the control to be safe and careful aren't there. But yeah. That depth of apathy and loss of... color. Not good for humans, and we don't fall to quite the same depths as vampires - washed out gray, not absolute black. Maybe it's compensation for not rising quite as high. I don't know." He shrugged, without removing his hands from his pockets. "I do know I'd rather be screaming in pain than numb."

And he'd done both. The conversation was a good reminder of telling Gwen that thinking he might really did was when he'd felt the most alive. There was a lot of truth in that.

Klaus gave him a searching look and frowned a bit as Jack spoke. Really, he understood too much, or just enough, or something...something that made him really see what Elijah might see in the man more than his blood. Granted, he'd liked spending time with him from the start, amusing enough, even when he was contemplating killing him.

"It is, in the start. Go long enough, when it eventually turns back on, you're either crippled or too far away from any real humanity for it to matter. It tends to make monsters, I suppose."

Though some of them were just born that way, or so people said.

Jack looked back with wide blue eyes, and guileless smile. Except not quite, because he wasn't really trying to lie to Klaus, and even if he had been anyone who looked closely enough, or for long enough, was going to see something... more.

"Live long enough, or experience enough, and you pretty much have two choices, no matter what you are. Learn to live with it, or shut it down. Shutting it down doesn't really work for long. Sooner or later, either you or something in you really does die. I guess that's the point people become monsters." Unlike monsters who just were.

Klaus nodded a bit, and he gave Jack a slightly suspicious look, but only a little, more caught by what he was saying. "It probably is," he agreed. "There's really only so much most people can take before they lash back."

Jack gave Klaus a bit of a confused look, but it wasn't very confused and it didn't last for long. "I wasn't talking specifically about lashing out, or being lashed out at, though I suppose it would fall under the same category. I mostly meant that emotion is a lot of what life worth living and what keeps us in line. Shut that down far enough, and you're going to get reckless enough to get yourself killed, or cold enough for it not to matter anymore."

Lashing out, hurting other people--those were the things that got Klaus called a monster and, sorry Jack, but ninety percent of the time, it's all about him. Maybe even ninety-five percent of the time. There's a reason Elijah gets so bemused when someone makes it about him in any way.

"Which is worse, do you think? Recklessness or coldness?"

"Depends on what you mean by worse," he said, and shrugged a bit. "I'd rather be reckless, any day of the week, but cold is probably safer for other people."

Klaus arched an eyebrow, then shrugged as well. "Huh. I'd say it's the opposite for me."

"The preference, the safety, or both?"

"Both," he said after a moment's consideration.

"I told someone, right after I nearly stayed dead, that I'd never felt more alive. I get cold and cut off, I don't care, no, but I don't do anything, either. I just shut down. Reckless and frantic, I'm throwing myself and everyone who cares about me in front of metaphorical buses. But I'm just... a guy."

Which was to say 'not a vampire'.

Klaus listened, nodded slightly. "When I get reckless..I get careless. Things go wrong. When I shut down...it's easier. I don't care who gets hurt. But a lot of people do."

Some he,shockingly, cared about.

"If I was a vampire, with everything that comes with that? I can see how reckless would be safer for people around me. At least physically safer. Shut off is probably a different kind of pain, though not physical threat, for people you love."

Klaus smirked, just slightly. "Me shut off is far more dangerous than me reckless, in the end. But neither s good."

"Then I guess we're just going to have to keep you on, and on even keel." ...Apparently Elijah's overinflated sense of responsibility was catching. Except the part where Jack felt responsible for the entire damned planet. Or had, when he'd had something to do. Apparently lack of Torchwood meant that he was going to lose his mind and take responsibility for vampires, instead.

Klaus laughed, just a little. "Funny. That's what my brother usually says...."

Which didn't surprise him, that Elijah would choose someone with his own values.

"Then you can consider yourself very well balanced. Just... externally."

"If I listen...." Which he was bad at, but honestly...trying.

"If you're over about 12, then yeah. At some point it's gonna come down to you keeping up your half."

Klaus blinked a bit, then gave him a wry smile. "Point."

"Did that... surprise you?" The blinking had thrown him.

Klaus shrugged a bit. "Not really. I just...." He shook his head. "You just sounded a ridiculous amount like both of my elder brothers there."

"It's a big brother thing. Maybe you should consider yourself adopted." He was joking - mostly - and not thinking of Gray. Or Elijah at all; he could never seem to really remember that there was a fifth sibling.

Even angels have their wicked schemes [For jackcaptainjack]

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